| .... |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds | ] |
I work Hard for my money so i can witdrawl a bunch to spend at the BECK CONCERT!!!!
Friday...ill be throwing my bra on stage with Nates aproval.
love me crazy...
xxxxx |
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| Letter to your self |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|12:47 am] |
Dear Megan this is a list of ten things i hate about you,
1. How you get jealous when xxxx goes to visit xxxxxx with out you.
2. How you cant sleep in your bed alone.
3.The fact that you never spend money on anything that makes you a better person only coffee and bagles
4. The Fact that you want to smoke....50 ciggeretes....but instead you sneak off alone with sandy to smoke.
5. Why cant you socialize with people
6. Why do you feel stupid when you are at bars...arnt bars cool
7. The Fact that you feel sad for no reason at all
8. Your need to watch sad movies and think about how sad they are for days
9. You never read even though you buy books.
10. You stopped making art even though you think about it all the time...
I hate you so much right now,
Megan |
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| Fuck |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|12:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MODERN LOVERS | ] |
The thing is i walked all the way upstairs with visions of ice cream bars in my head and then there were none....upsetting? not really because they were never mine to begin with desapointing no, becuase i already had ice cream today....
So im updating as your reading.
I was really thinking about updating because of this feeling i had a few days ago....this..well Leah called me up to see what i was doing and i was just hanging out downstairs at Merritts house probably talking to Sandra but it is hard to say really....anyway leah called me because she wanted to know if i wanted to go out to the bar to see her friends band play so i talked to craig asked him he wanted to go convinced Nate that there wouldnt be a cover( there was it was 5 dollars) and left....the thing was this bar...was on this street where i have happened to have alot of memories silly memories of wheelshairs and huge house parties, and penis...and houses that doors had to be kicked down at....and drinking to much...and smoking to much and staying up late....and it was strange becuase now 2 years later im walking down this street (8th) with Nate and Craig and im thinking about all these things these silly things and the time rachel and i tried to sneak into the same bar to see a fuzzy Jewish guy play ragee....anyway....it is funny how things change and it all sneaks up on you as your walking to this bar to hang out with all new people and....thats it...it is nothing profound or nothing special...it just is...that the world keeps on moving no matter what happens...no matter who you are with or who you are friends with...if you are alone...or if you are old enough now to actually buy the beer instead of drink it and the world is just moving with no...concern...no concern about your age...your creed...YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS...it is moving...life is moving we are changing even if we dont feel it and we will never be the same and you cant revist those memories with the same amount of zest that you had before you revist...strangly glancing in at the past in a unforgiving...unknowing sort of way....
for all of you that still happen to be reading( sorry about the spelling/grammatical errors)...I feel like i should mention the fact that i almost died a few weeks ago...actually about the sametime i was typing on the computer and bam i didnt feel so good...i couldnt stand up...i was in the hospital...i couldnt talk because the pain too much...i was healing from having my gallbadder removed...i was thinking about not having health insurance...Nate was by my side for 4 days straight only to go home and take a shower....i am tired, all the time...and mad...im so mad at the government im so mad that i dont really make enough money to survive in the world but i make too much to get assistant with health care....im not worried...
I miss all of you my friends...im sorry i dont keep in contact....call me if you need me
xxxxx
2067993545
i also moved. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2005|11:33 pm] |
Star wars 3am are you in.
xxxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|11:49 pm] |
sometimes ill be sitting somewhere not really pay attention to anything or ill be stairing into space and ill lose focus and forget about everything that this going on in a room....it is strange...
i feel like i should really update about my life but i doubt that anyone really reads these live journals...or seriously thinks about them....
My life doesnt feel very different then it ever has and maybe that is good or maybe that is bad or boring or something....
xxxxx |
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| LOCO |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|04:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crunching noises | ] |
The last few days have been great...I think for the most part because I haven’t had to work for the three days, nate spent the night at my house three days in a row and it was fun to see him when I got home from work and fall into his arms while solomon was running to the store to purchase beer for our consumption...I have been feeling really bad the last few weeks and maybe it is the weather or maybe it is the holiday or maybe I just feel a complete lack of purpose, I had a break down a week or so ago where...I sat on the edge of my bed and just cried and cried, so much that when I got to work the next day my boss thought that I had been crying just a few minutes before I walked in the door...and how do I explain to people that I don’t even know that well that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life working for *V**A you know what I mean...so I thought for along time about all the things that have being bothering me: the fact that my car doest run that well, the fact that I always don’t have any money, for the fact that I don’t feel like im doing anything engaging with my life...things along that line and I decided after a short car ride to Merritt’s that I was going to do something about it, because I know that I want to go back to school...I want to go to the institute opening but I wont get to for another 2 years so I decided that I would take a class in spring maybe a night class probably English...I just cant live in this fucking house for the rest of my life and not do anything that causes me debate, and freedom intellectually...so yes, that is my plan taking a night class and working...i dont know it doest seem like much but atleast it is something instead of nothing.
Otherwise im just getting ready for my trip to BAMA...i have mixed feeling about it, but atleast it wont be as desenstized as i planned christmas to be...
Sometimes i feel alone...
And sometimes i feel so consumed with happiness....
megan
xxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|10:42 pm] |
Nate told me that my car was going to die tonight. and he also told me that my cell phone was also in for it...that is alot of death.
The way that he said it was so strange and he said that it was going to die like the old lady that lives next to me...slowly...but it is on its way...and i kinda wish it would you know because that would give me an excuse to have to get up in the morning to catch the bus instead of lay in bed until i had 5 minutes left and then storm about my room trying to fix my hair and put on my sock all at the same time...and tell nate that i loved him as i scampered out the door.
Rachel did not call me
and neither has amanda but i dont feel that bad because the other day i went to rachels house...and even if i get to see her for seconds it is still better then not seeing her.
Thanksgiving is always so strange...
this year it was even worse you know because i didnt go home...i went to rachels for a moment and then over to merritts where me and leah smoked ciggeretes and then went to the store with Morgan and Sandra so Morgan could find out if the baby was real...and our shopping cart was full of all sorts of beers i had never had before and a pregnancy test...and some cat food...Sandra bought me beer...and i drank it in the living room with leah and then i went over to nates house and stayed there for a long time or for long enough...for us to get my house as soon as the cops were talking to Solomon about the noise and the old neighbor watched me drive away and i was mad...because...i dont want the cops at my house...and i was tired and just wanted to go to bed and i slept next to nate and he was warm and my hands were cold.
I am working and pretending i am more posh them i am even when i dont take a shower before i go to work and the make up i have on is from the day before...
Im so
out of touch with what i am doing at this job and sometimes i fall out of my routine and say the wrong things and people look at me...in an odd way...ohh ciggeretes and broken cars and broken cell phones
R.I.P
Megan
xxxxx |
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| Ill take off my clothes if you take off yours |
[Oct. 15th, 2004|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | white stripes | ] |
Hello.
There is this part in the Royal Tenembaums where Margo enters her room and looks at all her thnigs and just keeps on saying hello, as if her stuff had missed her....I really shouldnt update because all i will talk about it is this in and that but i feel like passing the time....until about 1230 when i can go see if leah is home...
We did Mushrooms 2 nights ago...we were sitting downstairs at merritts and leah went to find jim see if he wanted to smoke some pot and he came in and leah said that she had something that we could do and i thought well maybe she has some pot that she didnt tell me about but that was not the case...i was high and at the end of the night i was so glad that i had spent time with leah...and i laid on the couch down stairs and thought all these strange things and at one point thought about nate and giggled and then thought about all these other things.
I leave for Alabama on the 22nd of December i havent gone in so long it is impossible for me to remember how it is going to be and i know everything is going to be changed in this way that i wont be able to explain but...i am overwhelmed with all sorts of mixed emotions about having a new brother and i dont know how my father will be but i cant imagine that he could be to different if there is one thing that has always been the same it has been him....
im sick of work i wake up every morning and look around and wish there was something better i could be doing with my time something that will pay off with more then stupid dollar bills that only end up wasted on things that i cant see or even things that dont really matter...
MITTENS
damn it.
how are all you people that i dont speek too let me know....or dont...
Elisha and i are supposed to hang out
FUCK FUCK FUCK....hahaha....
the
seasons
are
changing
did
you
know?
I LOVE ALL YOU FUCKING FUCK UPS.
MEGAN |
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| we have been listening to the same tape for days |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|02:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | humming | ] |
a year a year a year
phantom days pass...you know...and then suddenly it has been a new year and you are smoking different ciggeretes hanging out at Merritts house and watching the hours pass...i like it because when im hungry i eat and when im sleepy i find Nate and we fit into my single bed and i talk about pushing him off high heights and such things that no would understand even if they could and Leah she begs to stay in my room and throws nine dollars in change around and i pick it up in the morning take a bong hit and show up for work two hours early but i dont feel like time is wasted...because everyone is still awake and i can go down stairs at any moment and have a very tall boy wrap his arms around me...and smuge up his glasses and drink vitamin water....and listen to Sandy talk ...i love to hear it and see it and be here...and think about spending time under my cold sheets when i get home at ungodly hours...and my eyes are shut...i can imagine smiling in my sleep...and morgan found a boy and and and and the leaves are changing colors and im still drinking coffee more then i should and rachel got me a bracelet from costa rica and i wear it and try not to break it....and i feel like i know more then i did and im planning now and i want so badly to cut cut cut hair instead of my wrists....that seems sad but really it is more hopeful then you know...and i have a brother now....and i have seen things and been places and it was bad yes at moments but it was so good too....
i want to sing sing sing...and eat another brownie...and realize that things arnt as motionless as i thought they were...
ppppp
Megan |
|
|
| update,update, update |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|05:50 pm] |
Where is Nate?
I don’t know, and really I'm not worried about it, I was planning on coming to third place and reading the Plague, but im not very into it, instead I got some coffee and now im sitting here updating, the thing is I don’t have much to update about....I have been doing mostly the same thing, although last night I had a really good time the cannibal diet played this stezey house party in west Seattle...and Leah, Kaveh, Jamie and I got really stoned before we were suppose to show up, I watched Nate play...it is so amazing to see someone you like do something that they are really good at...anyway...we hung around with these kids...these stinky punk kids with patchy pants who drank very cheap beer...some of the beer they had I had never even heard of..it was silly and Jamie and I danced and so did nate...Morgan just stood in the corner protesting in her awkwardness...you know in the usual Morgan fashion...until we all danced up on her with lit cigarettes in our hands....
Other then that I have been living in the same fashion, although I feel like I have made a plan to do something better with my life...I decided that im going to go back to school by fall of next year, but im not going to go to school for what I planned im going to for Hair....hopefully a color specialist or something of that sort...I really enjoy hair....and I even Cut Morgan’s hair a few weeks ago...she seems rather content with the job which makes me happy....
Other then that I have just been working a lot, thinking about Rachel...a few days ago I got home and reached my hand into my mail box and saw a little postcard poking out it was from Rachel it just reminded me about how much I missed her I should write her an email while I have sometime, I should call my dad too....sigh...im so inconsistent
Im worried about things still didn’t you know and next week I get to go to JAIL for a day.
sigh, Ill live and it will be one more experience I never had right?
I love you all until I hate you.
xxxxx
Megan |
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